Not quite sure where I left off here, but if u don't know me on Facebook than a lot of things happened since the last time I wrote about my life here.
I'm no longer living in Northampton as I moved back to London in May, got a new job, living in a beautiful and busy area of London, and was going out a lot but now because of time,finances and the return of the cold weather.
But is not all fluffy in La La Land, still battling some of my own personal demons, trying to stablished myself as a artist ( what in London is pretty difficult ) just realised that love and dates are dead, murdered by Grindr and the technology that erased the word "dating" for "hooking up" so now is official: romantic kisses were replace for blow jobs at the first encounter and you accommodate your clients ( ops I meant hook ups ) like you do with other obligations, like Dentist appointment for example ( in both cases you gonna need to say Aaaaaa to a completely stranger )
I'm no angel so I did take advantage of the Ocean of sluts, but in general there are like McDonalds, tasty, good on the eye, but you gonna get hungry again in one hour and wondering if you ever gonna have a steak again.
Although it sounds depressing,unfortunately is the true, i mean if you are into Open relationships then is not all lost, but as good latin boy that i am the concept of just meet someone you enjoy to be with and be already in a open relationship its too bizarre to me, i understand when a couple after many years together decide to open up, but two people that just met and decide to share a life be already hooking up for more outside its seams bizarre and pretensions to me.
I've been cheated by someone that thought needed more, what i got ? a exhausted person that left me many time wishing for more because couldn't handle me, was too tired and i was the romantic sex, what sometimes is great,beautiful and cosy,but more i got cheated more the adventure passionate sex was left on the side and when he was unlucky in find someone new i had the lucky wild sex of the week.
Believe i did try the pay back and go around to have the sex i was missing at home, conclusion ? a fucking mess, i felt violated to see myself on the position of need to lie to someone for doing something that i didn't want to do in the first place. ( but in our case the cheat was probably the least of our problems )
Want to spice it up your life? How about put more effort on the person that you are already with ? London got plenty of stores with all kind of sexual things you can use to make things more interesting, cheat,lie and scar someone for life just because you can't hold in your pants and are pretensions enough to think you can have at all.
So for me when someone treat you in life like a skunk and in bed like a prince ( i enjoy more of the other way around ) then there is something really wrong going on, im a very extremely sexual person, but unfortunately for my sex life im not a asshole, i won't sell my mother on the black market for a piece of meat, the head in the top of my neck still the one in charge and i regret the moments when i left the other one make the decisions,but unfortunately in London there is no such of thing as regret.
So im coming with the terms that i probably never gonna have love and great sex all with the same person, what mean i will be pretty much on my own for the rest of my life, i can't cheat or play with anyone expectations or emotions, can't deal in being cheated anymore as i also can't see myself starting a new relationship with all this hooking up in between, so i guess im pretty much done with relationships.
Yeah, there is a lot of lovely guys out there looking for love, i met some of them and you know what ? that is when i learned how much of asshole im myself, can't deal with boring sex neither and as i just can't feel good about betraying someone's trust i end up being the unhappy one.
The thing is, for more than 4 years i tried desparate to save a relationship that was destined to sink from the very beginning, i feel like i left great deal of my soul there and the small part deep inside of me that believe in love and happy endings ( love wise ) was crushed or took a massive dose of reality.
But can i be another man whore in London ? Nope ! Can i go through the whole emotional nuances of a relationship every again ? No fucking way !!
Im living the dream professionally ? Nope ! Im back to my old life style all drugs and rock in roll ? Nope neither
Just adding, im not exactly depress ( because i already went through that stage ) right now im pretty much trying to be racional and see how much i possible can compromise without losing the sense of who i am, i get on the stage that i know im dignify human being, im a kind person, i see myself with great professional potential, im passionate, im a loyal friend but im also eccentric, brutally honest and sometimes get my actions miss interpreted just because i just can't express my feelings or thoughts in a cute,more digestible way.
Want to know happy people ? they are the naive ones or the very selfish sociopath ones, the problem is when you are no longer the naive one but also can't act like a ass and sleep well at night, im on the edge of finding a good common ground for it, but is hard as fiding out that Santa Claus doesn't exist or there is no old man up in sky looking for you, is difficult to see things how they really are, but i still prefer that then living a lie.
Steve Cavalcanti
Watch my new video on youtube talking about some miss conceptions of people in UK while dealing with Brazilian people, but obviously is just my own take and experience on the subject :
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