I Want My Sex Back. Detransitioned transgender people who regretted chan...

GRINDR KILLED THE ROMANCE ?

Hey long time don't seen :) so more than year went by i opened my horizons and i need to confess i had quite a ride, i did the A to Z of the sexual exploration, something that in the pass i was never able to, maybe for being in relationships or my own hang ups with my own sexuality. 

Do you know that expression : " if you can't win, become one of them" ? unfortunately in my case i think i surrender to the dark side, and today i see myself doing things that 10 years ago i would probably be judging about it.

After the advent of Grindr, Scruff and cia it become far too easy to get a hook up, what is great if that is your purpose, i definitely took advantage of the technology, but once i got used it to this Feast of of the Naughtiness, i realise that the option to it is actually a dying reality, Grindr killed the very little romance that still could happen in our community. 

 Yeah the fun still on more than ever, weirdly today even if you are not into kinky or any more wild sexual practice, there is a sense of danger in the air, because now is all about bareback, people on prep or positive guys with low viral loads and people that are totally detached of the importance of their own health, making me the slightly kinky guy fell old fashion, after all im from the time that you used to go clubbing and everybody you know on the scene started to drop dead almost like in front of you.

After thousands shags i was pretty secure that now i learned to separate love from sex and that i was mastering the skills necessary for the perfect hook up, after all im no longer capable to fall for anyone ( after 6 years not really falling for anyone you start to think you are imune to love ) then i met someone that made me feel something ( and vice-versa until that point ) what made me think : Really ? is possible find a man into the same kinkins as me, with the same sexual intensity but that also like to cuddle, to talk and kiss the way i like ? yeah is possible, but unfortunately Grindr put you together and the same will separate you, and we arrive in that generation where in one month you go through  the all the stages of a old 7 years relationship from the past.

We are so use it to the new, to explore new bodies and shapes, that even if we are interested in someone, more than 3 encounters and you already looking for something different, we become lazy, why i will cook rice if i can buy one for microwave that will be ready in one minute ? when we finally got the right to marry who we love, we stop loving, im not saying that people are not having relationships, but now people do it for loneliness, status or ego, we don't see the passion anymore, after all now is all open, why i would try to be creative or put a effort with my partner if i have all those options to the reach of my finger, and then you see those couples that each one fuck outside and the only moment they see each other naked is when they are doing a threesome or fourth-some, honestly ? thank you, but no thank you !

Im not having much luck in my work experience, and my sexual life can go from great to varieties as much my body desires, is all good but also all empty, we suppress the need to have someone we could get together to the point we are not feeling much at all until someone comes along and prove that you still have feelings, unfortunately they don't last longer than a commercial preview from Youtube.

There still a lot for me to grasp on this new technological kinky world of today, but im getting there, unfortunately no without some scars on the way. 

NEW LIFE IN LONDON AND DEALING WITH THE NEW ME !

Hey people! As much as I know that I probably lost a great deal of my viewers here after so many months away   ( actually it has been a year ) but with so many virtual obligations + a whole real life to take of, sometimes is just impossible, but better late than ever they say. 

Not quite sure where I left off here, but if u don't know me on Facebook than a lot of things happened since the last time I wrote about my life here.

I'm no longer living in Northampton as I moved back to London in May, got a new job, living in a beautiful and busy area of London, and was going out a lot but now because of time,finances and the return of the cold weather. 

But is not all fluffy in La La Land, still battling some of my own personal demons, trying to stablished myself as a artist ( what in London is pretty difficult ) just realised that love and dates are dead, murdered by Grindr and the technology that erased the word "dating" for "hooking up" so now is official: romantic kisses were replace for blow jobs at the first encounter and you accommodate your clients ( ops I meant hook ups ) like you do with other obligations, like Dentist appointment for example ( in both cases you gonna need to say Aaaaaa to a completely stranger )  

I'm no angel so I did take advantage of the Ocean of sluts, but in general there are  like McDonalds, tasty, good on the eye, but you gonna get hungry again in one hour and wondering if you ever gonna have a steak again.

Although it sounds depressing,unfortunately is the true, i mean if you are into Open relationships then is not all lost, but as good latin boy that i am the concept of just meet someone you enjoy to be with and be already in a open relationship its too bizarre to me, i understand when a couple after many years together decide to open up, but two people that just met and decide to share a life be already hooking up for more outside its seams bizarre and pretensions to me.

I've been cheated by someone that thought needed more, what i got ? a exhausted person that left me many time wishing for more because couldn't handle me, was too tired and i was the romantic sex, what sometimes is great,beautiful and cosy,but more i got cheated more the adventure passionate sex was left on the side and when he was unlucky in find someone new i had the lucky wild sex of the week.

Believe i did try the pay back and go around to have the sex i was missing at home, conclusion ? a fucking mess, i felt violated to see myself on the position of need to lie to someone for doing something that i didn't want to do in the first place. ( but in our case the cheat was probably the least of our problems ) 

Want to spice it up your life? How about put more effort on the person that you are already with ? London got plenty of stores with all kind of sexual things you can use to make things more interesting, cheat,lie and scar someone for life just because you can't hold in your pants and are pretensions enough to think you can have at all.

So for me when someone treat you in life like a skunk and in bed like a prince ( i enjoy more of the other way around ) then there is something really wrong going on, im a very extremely sexual person, but unfortunately for my sex life im not a asshole, i won't sell my mother on the black market for a piece of meat, the head in the top of my neck still the one in charge and i regret the moments when i left the other one make the decisions,but unfortunately in London there is no such of thing as regret. 

So im coming with the terms that i probably never gonna have love and great sex all with the same person, what mean i will be pretty much on my own for the rest of my life, i can't cheat or play with anyone expectations or emotions, can't deal in being cheated anymore as i also can't see myself starting a new relationship with all this hooking up in between, so i guess im pretty much done with relationships. 

Yeah, there is a lot of lovely guys out there looking for love, i met some of them and you know what ? that is when i learned how much of asshole im myself, can't deal with boring sex neither and as i just can't feel good about betraying someone's trust i end up being the unhappy one.

The thing is, for more than 4 years i tried desparate to save a relationship that was destined to sink from the very beginning, i feel like i left great deal of my soul there and the small part deep inside of me that believe in love and happy endings ( love wise ) was crushed or took a massive dose of reality.

But can i be another man whore in London ? Nope ! Can i go through the whole emotional nuances of a relationship every again ? No fucking way !!

Im living the dream professionally ? Nope ! Im back to my old life style all drugs and rock in roll ? Nope neither 

Just adding, im not exactly depress ( because i already went through that stage ) right now im pretty much trying to be racional and see how much i possible can compromise without losing the sense of who i am, i get on the stage that i know im dignify human being, im a kind person, i see myself with great professional potential, im passionate, im a loyal friend but im also eccentric, brutally honest and sometimes get my actions miss interpreted just because i just can't express my feelings or thoughts in a cute,more digestible way.

Want to know happy people ? they are the naive ones or the very selfish sociopath ones, the problem is when you are no longer the naive one but also can't act like a ass and sleep well at night, im on the edge of finding a good common ground for it, but is hard as fiding out that Santa Claus doesn't exist or there is no old man up in sky looking for you, is difficult to see things how they really are, but i still prefer that then living a lie. 

Steve Cavalcanti   

Watch my new video on youtube talking about some miss conceptions of people in UK while dealing with Brazilian people, but obviously is just my own take and experience on the subject : 

WHEN WHAT PEOPLE SEE IS NOT WHAT YOU GET

Hello guys and girls, so since the last time i was here i was away from the gym with a problem with my hands and about to go to Brazil, since then lots happen so i can't say here,but the important thing is that my hands are ok, my holidays were short but great and im about to finally move to London and finally starts what could be the greatest part of my life, now that all the limitations i had for work are fine and even my maturity is now up for the task i'm ready for the challenge :) im back to the gym and getting back to my old muscled self faster than i thought, so is all good, especially after those years of loneliness and difficulty, that thing that says that your face shows everything you been through is a big lie otherwise i would be more wrinkle than the Iggy Pop ass. 

The rough part of living is not living itself but  bring those hopeful thoughts to your daily life, that used to be so common and natural while you were young, but as you get older and you need to go through a broken heart, lack of finance support or even death of a love one, those are the moments that put you at test, and how you react is the difference between someone with depression or suicidal tendencies than someone that is just sad for a reason.

Surely there is situations that put me very close to the edge and i really start to put my sanity at risk, but there is always something back there in the end of my head saying to hold on and wait, that everything is going to be ok, some religions would called God, i just called our natural survival instinct, my subconscious telling me what is best for me when im completely lost on my own thoughts and problems.  

As youngest i was a pretty boy ( now when i see the pictures i can tell but not back then ) i was the kind of young man that got constantly complements on my looks, and what you would think with that information ? yeah so i knew i was pretty right ? nope, people always have this tendency ( completely understandable ) to think just because everybody thinks you are attractive you would think the same, in the same way that i tend to be attracted to not very usual kind of beauties, the same works for the way i used to see myself, like those anorexic girls that are stick thin but still seeing themselves fat on the mirror, today i see that i was at serious ground back then, but i was from the time that Bullying,a little racism and prejudice was ok, and body self image problems was rarely talked about besides the Carpenters singer who died, nothing else was said about that kind of problem. 

 So for many years being called attractive was a necessary part of my well being, and i made sure that i was always looking my best, what is not a hard task when you are 18, those kind of comments are not different of the ones i get today at my 37th, the only difference is that today im glad about the complements but im no longer dependable of them, in part to thanks to my fat phase when around the age of 27 i put a lot of weight and those complements drastically diminished, and i saw myself obligated to pull other charms out of my hat, back then i developed my sense of humour ,lost a lot of my shyness and got this taste for knowledge that i never had as much before, be in a relationship obviously helped a lot for me not to feel less desirable, but after few great years i was single again and obviously i started to miss my pretty boy looks, that is when started another wrong path in my life .

About the next years i fluctuated between sizes, desperate to please, lets be honest the gay world is unfair and pretty rough, if you are not young,muscular and pretty you are through away like garbage, yeah gay guys are smarter, prettier but the also can be the cruelest people you ever met, where a hook up can be worse than a job interview.

All those conflicts of my young years are not the kind that just disappear, i thought it happened but then someone came to my life just to show me that deep inside of me that young boy afraid of the world was still there and for some reason all that wall i had created was down, and today when i think about it i understand that would happen eventually, because when you have a problem you fix it you don't build a wall to hide it. 

After many years of loneliness, with very little interaction with people i kind of get in the other side, this time not with a wall in front me, with a true confidence about who i am, that goes much beyond of my looks, im not longer see someone ugly in the mirror, but also not a cinema star, im far too self judgmental to do that, but im finally happy of what i have with all the flows that came from nature and from the ageing process, and guess what ? when finally complements didn't matter anymore is when im get them the most, but this time is not only my cute butt that get all the complements, because that fat happy boy never left me, and i can say that i found my other half, after so many years looking around, my other half was inside of me this whole time, im complete, not perfect ,not gorgeous but not ugly doesn't matter my body shape or my age. 

STEVE IN PROGRESS

Hey 

Long time no seen my dear internet "private" diary, what can i say? Since the last time we talk i left my job ,i went to Portugal,i decided my move to London,i X-ray ,MRI and tested ny hands nerves,did i say i had sex ? i mean not in this necessary order, but you must know that i like to keep few things private, like my vacations, so lets talk about my sex life ? just kidding.....

Yeah apparently my trip back home is finally coming ,Brazil yeahhhh :) after a never ending winter with lots of Snow and almost a decade out of the beach i finally start to resemblance Olivia Newton John in Grease and if my pale face doesn't convince you i have a blood test to prove it as apparently my  levels of Calcium are very similar to my grandmother, what is great I'm not adopt so .

Apparently the modern technology and the lack of someone to wank me over gave me two hands that now will hurt for the rest of my life, the good news is that is not osteoporosis or Carpel Tunnel Syndrome, so i did with my hands what a retired porn actress done with her pussy, i used to much .

Most of the times we only realise what we need to do

when is staring at our face, i needed to get fat to finally understand that french fries and Big Mac are not actually really a hunk maker, and over use my hands between a work in a coffee shop, work at home in a computer and my gym, end up that something got to give and if you know me you probably know that was the coffee making that was the one chop off of my life ( but not from my mouth ) so i needed to become almost a handicap to finally give myself a chance.

I maybe finally getting over of a heart ( not the organ ) situation that almost dragged my soul down the drain of my self pit and believing in the good of the human race from the past 4 years, is much easier to recover from the felling of a mentally wounded hand than trying to recover a psychological decapitation ,but as all sane ( or almost ) person or a emotional lizard, here i am back to normal me ( as much as normal me can be normal ) a lot wiser, a lot knowledgeable of what i want in life and probably the person with less patience for bull shit in the entire planet.

You see, the good thing of being a decent  human and a cant in the same time is that you can play the anti-hero, because everybody got a bad side ,the evil part ,but most people use it for the wrong purposes, so after a life time suppressing my evil side, i finally released but in that case only towards the other evils ones, some kind of Dexter without the bloodshed :) so i still can be the most adorable excentric man and play my evil side with those who fall for my silly face and want someone to play. 

Won't lie ,life is hard, and if you like to live the safe side of life ,always afraid and not taking risks, good for you you probably preserved your brain as new as when you were a fuck up teenager, the bad news is that you a no more a teenager and you are ruining out of excuses to still be so fuck up ,if someone that went through disappointments ends up a bitter sad figure i won't really be sad for them ,not because they felt the bads in life but because they gave up far too soon, its takes time to recover a heart break, a disappointment or any of the many challengers that life through at us, but hide behind 20 cats in a house full of dust it won't make better ,it won't make go away ,you gonna be frozen in time with your pain ,so i decide go for life in the same way i decided to try eat less life ( or at least something that wasn't alive one day before got in my plate )


 I don't promise to go all vegetarian in the same way i don't promise never break my heart ,but for whatever happen in my life ,my plate or my bed i decided that any life headache will never make me stop enjoying it ,i will go slow and i may not need to kill to feed my appetite, because the hunt sometimes is better than the hunted prize, you catch and then you set it free because if comes back means that was meant for you  ( but in case there is a chicken you can just
 kill the stupid animal e eat it ) lol 

Steve Cavalcanti  

Photography, if there is one thing that my life it was always about it was photography, not only the exercise of taking pictures but the whole world of image, for me there was always something magical about freezing a moment in time, and later in life it was also incredible be able to create a moment or a idea through pictures.
I still remember the first time that my mind grabbed the concept of having my pictures taken ,i was around 2 years old and my mom was asking me to step into the sand on the playground so she could frame me on the picture and the only thing i could think it was why should i dirty my brand new shoes over that stupid little box that keeps blinding me few times every day.

If you are over 30 you probably remember back from your holidays craving to develop your summer shoots to find out that most of them were blurry or ugly leaving probably just few pictures to the family album, but we had a blast, so since when we became so demanding about our own images ? can you remember running from the camera because of awful spot in your forehead ? i do ,in a time without Photoshop we were careful to not leave our imperfection on display for the future generations appreciation.

Iphone is not the best camera
(myself yesterday at the gym)

In a time where models were sent home because of a stretch mark we were much more kind with ourselves, time where the actresses were only in the silver screen not in the shampoo commercials selling a beauty that they don't really have themselves, time where wrinkles were just part of growing old, where the only work done used to be in our hairdos.

When i was about 11 my mom decided to be a photographer and for almost a year she attend a very famous Photography course in my country, it was probably my first photographer assistant job, helping my mom in the dark room, for me the process of transforming that plain white sheet in a picture it was something magical for me!

Little Steve ( around 8 )

As a kid i used to enjoy go around and taking pictures but i wasn't exactly a big fan of having my pictures taken ,not because i didn't want to but because i didn't enjoy see my chubby self on paper ( and I'm sorry but everybody likes to have a good picture of themselves, who says no is because never liked the results of previous pictures taken but don't want admit ) as i reached 18 nature turned in my favour and i became a good looking boy, nothing that stop traffic but attractive enough to be notice.

Myself today

  As i started to get complements of how good i look in some family and friends snap shoots, that creates my interest in how photography works,i mean i don't normally scare anyone i met first in the internet in real life,but i'm not all the super confident or sexy as i saw myself looking in the picture, sure is part of me ,but it's the way i project myself and then i started to see interviews with supermodels ( back in the 90's so it was no photoshop ) and they were quite different from the famous pictures we all saw back in the day.

I used to have so much hair! lol around 14 years old 

One of the biggest mistakes that we all do is judge the book by the cover, be a model (and I'm not one by the way ) is like being a actor, your job is to use your features to sell a idea,that not necessarily is what you are about,but what you became depending of a situation.

Picture taken last year by my ex (a professional photographer)

  My friends probably see a little of me in some of my best sexiest photos, but my lovers actually did, because the Steve from the pictures is the flirtation me, the one that normally comes out when i'm around people that attractive me, my inner peacock,and the only way to someone stand out in a picture is if you kind have a eye contact with the person on that picture,when is like they are looking at you personally.

Picture taken by my mom
I'm around 12 years old )

 But the moments that i'm not horning ( lol ) i'm probably more of the funny type, and can't be bother if my hair is messy or my socks smell,the other one probably just will show up only when there is a bed around and a possible fun night ahead.

Myself today

 And here i am again, surround by this strange drug that is to froze moments with the greatest invention  of all after wheel ,the camera, by studding my own face and how light/shadows,expression and attitude do make the difference in a picture and loving use that in others.

Today while i was on the facebook i came across of the news of the pass of the adult entertaining actor Erik Rhodes, i wasn't a particular fan, to be honest from his pictures i knew i saw him somewhere ( after i did my research and then i remembered ) for some reason what intrigue me about him was the fact he died of a heart attack while sleeping and from some comments about how caring and sweet human being he was, and i : Wait a minute, are we talking about a porno star here ? 

So i did my research, and for my embarrassment yeah he was a good guy, with a Blog where he describe his life and his thoughts and his plans for the future, and how hard it was read between so many beautiful messages of RIP read so many offensive messages that im sure it will hurt his parents and the people who love him. Worse than me who the first thought it was "A sweet porno star ?" it was the people judging his steroid intake and saying he deserved, like anyone minding their own business deserve to die.I did take drugs and did home video porno movies like probably 75% of the gay population, the only reason that my heart didn't stop it was the quantity and the only reason you haven't seen my videos yet is because im not famous. 

I still haven't finish to read his Blog, but what i saw so far, is the journal of a young gay man, that like any other gay man was trying to look his best and was very lost as his porno persona took over his life and made him invisible, who only found comfort and understanding through the people of the adult business entertainment. 


The use of Steroids by men cause in many cases the same effect of the Bulimia and Anorexia cause in women, but nobody will go around saying : - That bitch wanted so much  to be skinny that now she got her wish! will they ? in the same way a ultra skinny girl can't see how skinny she is the same apply to the muscles guys about their size, gays or not ,the girls obsession for beauty and perfection finally caught us, and now we are the ones dying to be drop dead Gorgeous, and we are actually dropping dead and there is nothing gorgeous about it. 

I found very bizarre how fast people judge and condemn someone's soul even before their body has the time to get cold, don't get me wrong im not one of those people that think someone became a saint just because is dead, but i think only someone very close or the person himself know what was really going on when someone kill himself in purpose, by accident or unconsciously like i kind of think was the case.


How many times in my life i put my life at risk because i was having a good time or because i was in a very difficult time of my life and i thought : - If kills me so be it ,but it didn't, Karma, lucky whatever you prefer to see it, the difficult times were gone and i was again taking care of myself, but unfortunately for some people like Erik there were no chance to go back and undone, because sometimes we need to live with the consequences of our actions for a lifetime  ( if you lucky enough to have a lifetime to think what you did wrong )

It really breaks my heart that his last words on his most recent entry on his blog was : "I'm waiting until i pop or my liver to fails....which every comes first. " it was clearly that something was going terrible wrong in his life,but as any person that lives from his image, he was a attention seeker and maybe for that reason his words wasn't taken seriously. 


When i was starting to go to the gym i did think about going to the Steroid way, but first of all : God knows what that thing would do with my body, and you would say : Yeah not if you take the right stuff and do in the right way ! Yeah sure,but but with 2000 people saying something different which one really know what he saying ? Am i that vain to put my life at risk of  cancer, liver failure or heart attack just for few years of muscle beauty before the 40's come and my body start to lose his muscle density ? no, thanks !

If i could give you younger pretty boys out there it is : Don't do steroids, they do make us look wonderful and more attractive at first glance, but it is something hard to maintain and will put your body under a stress that may take your life in those down moments when our auto preservation instinct are not fully on. 

There is nothing wrong in be the best of you can be, because if sometimes not even perfect porno stars can keep up what to say about us poor love handles mortals ? My love goes for his family, because behind of any dragqueen, porno star there is a person with their own story and reasons.  

                                                                         

                                                                         R.I.P

Yesterday i was watching one of many tv programs dedicated to the Diamond Jubilee of the Queen, what made me think and reposition my ideas of what the Royal family represent in today's world and how really relevant they still is.

As a foreigner in this country but also with my share of British blood through my father's family, the British culture and history were always interesting for me in a more curious way that a a way of life. As a person with my eye on the future and in everything that may be the next big thing, im not the person that you may think has  any interest on the old, but i think for we totally appreciate and understand our modern days you should look in the past, you should try to understand how we get here. 

Watching the Tv Special, we were able to see never seen footage of the Queen in her young years, showing private recordings of the family in holidays away from the public eye, and is funny and obvious they are all humans, but was kind of refreshing see that indoors they were capable of the same silliness and demonstration of bond that we all share with our family and friends.What made me consider that maybe the Queen also poo like the rest of us. (lol)

Won't be honest if i don't say that part of the allure of the Royal Family kind of died when Diana died, in my eyes she was the person tha brought the Royal Family to the 21th century, she gave the Royals a more fun but also more human ( and dysfunctional ) image.She dyed her hair, she brought high fashion to  Buckingham Palace and taught her kids how to  relate to other people,but also learned that you can't manipulate the Media as you wish and show the world the dirty under the Royal Family carpet.

But through history you learn that much before Diana, there were other Royals that were born to be Wild ( the same of being normal for us ) the king Edward VIII who abdicated of his throne for the American Wallis Warfield Simpson a divorcee  in 1936, in 1950 Princess Margaret wasn't allow to marry Peter Townsend because he was a divorcee ( twenty and three years later she would become a divorcee herself ) she died alone at the age of 71 in 2002, Margaret blamed the queen's private secretary, Sir Alan Lascelles, for the campaign against the match, and never forgave him and was seen openly saying as he passed by : " There goes the man who ruined my life ".

And of course the most infamous one, that was Charles and his long lasting love Camilla Parker Bowles, we all should give him a chance to be finally with the woman that his heart choose much earlier than Diana, his crime was just try to do what a future king suppose to do ( whatever actually that is ) but even arranged royal marriages will crumble if this is absolutely nothing there to start with, and having dated Diana older sister in the past, they just picked the most appropriate one ,she was chosen like a Breeding horse.

Going through their history sometimes you can't help but feel sorry for them, yeah they have all this money and luxury that not even people like Madonna could dream of, but different than pop superstars, they are not allow to screw up, they caught prince Harry with a spliff as a teenager and was a huge national commotion, wait a minute, really ? and talking about wild Royal Children, the tradition apparently will continues with Harry, leaving all the responsibility to William who also broke the rules himself marring someone with no royal blood whatsoever and with that he may just reborn the world interest on the medieval art propaganda because let's face it ,the British Royals were the first Global international superstars of all, so if the Queen should be thankful to the people of Britain of her past, ironically she should thanks Diana that monarchy will have a future as in this culturally pop world we live in, William and Kate will be the modern, pretty and more human face of the British Royal family. 

 GOD SAVE THE QUEEN AND ALL THE OTHER                .........."QUEENS" THAT KEPT HER THERE...........






       Steve Cavalcanti

    

Like all the best families, we have our share of eccentricities, of impetuous and wayward youngsters and of family disagreements.Elizabeth II

So often we hear about domestic violence in the straight world, but rarely people take notice of that the same thing do happen on the pink side of the bruise and sometimes the saichological abusive relationships are the ones that left the most print on us.

Im no new to that kind of relationship and I had lived the experience twice in my life ,one in my first relationship when my stupidity and youth let me listen my partner and made me run from my own home and what it started like a action romantic movie end up like those cheap documentaries about the sub world and their ativities.( because when I was already living with him I found out he as a scort boy ) lol

The second it happen not long ago and caught me in a very low and sad time of my life, and if advice it really works to anything I will tell you now, really careful when you feel down or going through a rough time in your life because your urge for some sympathy it will attract only the real life crows, people that live in other people energy, that kind people not having much luck trying to push down the carpet of someone that is having a good time for example and will attack those that have no shield against them.

Don't take me wrong, I assume completely responsibility to let thing go bad to worse,in the end of the story nobody put a gun in my head,but there is always a voice in the back of your head telling you the truth, and we choose not to listen, please dont confuse live dangerously with hurting yourself in purpose, because if a relationship are making you feel worse than better then you are hurting yourself, lose your self respect and your hability to enjoy your life it is some kind of death, you are killing your spirit.

Every whore has a sad story to teel and as a gay men we are all in one level or another all whores with issues, some crumble in their own issues, some live in denial and others sort themsselves out, I like to think I belong to the third category, as I call myself “Nerd with a twist” I love to learn new thing and get my own conclusions about it including moments to stop and think about what I done right and wrong and formulate what I learn from it ,because every situation in your life will have something worth learning,bad or good.

I would not describe all the events and situations I lived in those bad moments otherwise I would need to divide this post in 3 sections, but I can totally give you the advice that can maybe salve you some traumas and headaches, doesn't matter in which side of the evil stick are you, not assuming here that im a expert on the field, but just someone letting it out some of those situations that I not only lived myself but also saw around me and realise the most of the time they got the same results,here are some of them :

1 ) First Impressions last : Doesn't matter if you met a new man in the Match.com or Manhunt, one or another it will not be a garanteen of romance or sex if your act is not together, be precise about what you want and who you are, lie it may attract more people,but if by mistake you attract the man of your dreams it will be twice dramatic see him lose interest because of your lies, never take anyone for granted, because the one night stand or fuckbuddy of today may turn into your tomorrow partner ,so start clean so you dont need to fix or create a ball of lies in the future. Be a filthy whore in bed doesn't mean you should be one out of bed too.

2 ) Even if you are in a monogamous relationship you still a unity, dont take me wrong, I wish your relationship last forever,but lets be honest, in our days relationships are like your grosseries it will expire in some point, and if that happen,how much of you will be left ? I love going out dancing, I love go around museus taking pictures like a retard, what I did ? I stop all because that made us fight , stopping what you like it won't make you hate it ,it will build up the toxins that it will cause the end of your relationship down in the line.

3 ) In any relationship there is a bit of competition, but as long you both are competing to a common beneficial result that is perfectly normal, but when the compettion goes to offensive comments that knock your confidence down or who is more attractive to others, that means one or the two of you are overweighting this ship, and there is just one space left in this titanic save bolt ! Because I was slightly chubby and after a year listening to a very rash comments about my curves I develop a brilhant eating desorder that made me drop more than two stones what made me end up looking like a AIDS patience in the end of the 80's. (click on the pic for the link ) 

4 ) You know that old saying don't to others what you wouldn't like to yourself ? So be honest with yourself and the person that you are with, there is nothing wrong about you want to be sexuality with someone else, they call Open Relationship, but when the Open Relatonship is just open in one side without the other knoledge you just messing with someone else feelings and rights, especially in gay relationship sometimes the more active one ( read : The most top one ) because of the family religious background or culture, they end up taking on board those old fashion male principles of the straight wourld, where men need more sex than women and bla bla bla, but hey ,wake up ,we are talking about two dudes here, what works for you works for me, and if you like to try different butts maybe your partner may enjoy some new cocks too! Before your relationship get any more serious is worth you both seat down and define the boundaries of your relationship before your relationship do that for you.

5 ) Take a good third pespective look at your relationship, do you admire your partner ? Would you be his friend if wasn't a sexual connection beteewen you two ? If your answer was no it means you two were better off as a one night stand, as even for a good fuck buddy some mental chemistry is necessary! Unfortunately we all confuse sex with love, and the best sex not always comes with the best head attached and you may end up in a relationship that only works in bed, but like Madonna used to say : Satin sheets are very romantic but happen when you are not in bed ?

6 ) Sometimes a fuck is just a fuck, you met a new guy and he is really nice,great sex but he can't stop the sex hunting even at you presence ? Thanks to new hook ups smarts phones, then please lower your expectations, because that means that : 1 ) He is a internet sex addicted and it wont stop even that he really likes you or 2 ) You a very nice but you never know when something better may be 5 mins walk on Grindr, so for that type I will say do it as they do ,enjoy the night but dont be surprise if they forget to call you until their next horny day or even if they just even not bother to call you anymore at all because they found that someone better ( of the week ) so some people should be treated as a piece of meat as they see other people to be. Hush ? Maybe, but makes easier for you identify and then open your life for a future boyfriend or even for a fuck buddy that do care about you as a person as he does as your lover.It doesn't matter if you have another hook up for tomorrow, at least have the respect to treat the today hook up with the respect he deserves and if the only think you can do in your spare time is to to fuck with as much people as you could, if that is your life call is fine, but if you not in a sauna or in a threesome at least enjoy one at the time, if you are not a prostitute the next client can wait you get alone again to arrange the next meeting. 

7 ) If your partner keep betraying your trust or fool other people and is well know as a trouble maker,believe me even if that didn't affect you yet,in some point it will, if he didn't turn evil on you yet,try to break up to see how disrespectful for your both story and how public your private laundry can be wash , so while you with that person:  no nude pics ,no private porno movies ,i know I know you are not a famous celebrity, but not really want to your mom watch that DVD that came in the post of her son taking up in the arse dress in leather, do you ?

I also could continue to write about it and add even more topics ,what makes funny if not tragic is that all those headaches and complications could be all solve it if we were a little bit more honest with ourselves and with others, call me old fashion but I dont need to sign a papper to make my word worth it, doesn't matter how many times I get my hearbroken or get my expectations frustated I will never lose my faith in people and in myself, get yourself hurt is not a excuse for your put less effort in your relationnships,friendships or work commitements,learn from your mistakes and from other people mistakes ( as you not gonna live enough to commit all mistakes ) so next time you will be able to make better choices, who dont take risks,dont suffer but also dont live. ( please not talking about sexual protection, comdoms always )

Steve Cavalcanti 

                 "Dont have sex man.it leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them."

                                                                       Steve Martin