So often we hear about domestic
violence in the straight world, but rarely people take notice of that
the same thing do happen on the pink side of the bruise and sometimes
the saichological abusive relationships are the ones that left the
most print on us.
Im no new to that kind of
relationship and I had lived the experience twice in my life ,one in
my first relationship when my stupidity and youth let me listen my partner and
made me run from my own home and what it started like a action
romantic movie end up like those cheap documentaries about the sub
world and their ativities.( because when I was already living with
him I found out he as a scort boy ) lol
The second it happen not long ago
and caught me in a very low and sad time of my life, and if advice it
really works to anything I will tell you now, really careful when you
feel down or going through a rough time in your life because your
urge for some sympathy it will attract only the real life crows,
people that live in other people energy, that kind people not having
much luck trying to push down the carpet of someone that is having a good time for
example and will attack those that have no shield against them.
Don't take me wrong, I assume
completely responsibility to let thing go bad to worse,in the end of
the story nobody put a gun in my head,but there is always a voice in
the back of your head telling you the truth, and we choose not to
listen, please dont confuse live dangerously with hurting yourself in
purpose, because if a relationship are making you feel worse than
better then you are hurting yourself, lose your self respect and your
hability to enjoy your life it is some kind of death, you are killing
your spirit.
Every whore has a sad story to teel
and as a gay men we are all in one level or another all whores with
issues, some crumble in their own issues, some live in denial and
others sort themsselves out, I like to think I belong to the third
category, as I call myself “Nerd with a twist” I love to learn
new thing and get my own conclusions about it including moments to
stop and think about what I done right and wrong and formulate what I
learn from it ,because every situation in your life will have
something worth learning,bad or good.
I would not describe all the events
and situations I lived in those bad moments otherwise I would need to
divide this post in 3 sections, but I can totally give you the advice
that can maybe salve you some traumas and headaches, doesn't matter
in which side of the evil stick are you, not assuming here that im a
expert on the field, but just someone letting it out some of those
situations that I not only lived myself but also saw around me and
realise the most of the time they got the same results,here are some
of them :
1 ) First Impressions last : Doesn't
matter if you met a new man in the Match.com or Manhunt, one or
another it will not be a garanteen of romance or sex if your act is
not together, be precise about what you want and who you are, lie it
may attract more people,but if by mistake you attract the man of your
dreams it will be twice dramatic see him lose interest because of
your lies, never take anyone for granted, because the one night stand
or fuckbuddy of today may turn into your tomorrow partner ,so start
clean so you dont need to fix or create a ball of lies in the future.
Be a filthy whore in bed doesn't mean you should be one out of bed too.
2 ) Even if you are in a monogamous
relationship you still a unity, dont take me wrong, I wish your
relationship last forever,but lets be honest, in our days
relationships are like your grosseries it will expire in some point,
and if that happen,how much of you will be left ? I love going out
dancing, I love go around museus taking pictures like a retard, what
I did ? I stop all because that made us fight , stopping what you
like it won't make you hate it ,it will build up the toxins that it
will cause the end of your relationship down in the line.
3 ) In any relationship there is a bit
of competition, but as long you both are competing to a common
beneficial result that is perfectly normal, but when the compettion
goes to offensive comments that knock your confidence down or who is
more attractive to others, that means one or the two of you are
overweighting this ship, and there is just one space left in this
titanic save bolt ! Because I was slightly chubby and after a year
listening to a very rash comments about my curves I develop a
brilhant eating desorder that made me drop more than two stones what
made me end up looking like a AIDS patience in the end of the 80's. (click on the pic for the link )
4 ) You know that old saying don't to
others what you wouldn't like to yourself ? So be honest with
yourself and the person that you are with, there is nothing wrong
about you want to be sexuality with someone else, they call Open
Relationship, but when the Open Relatonship is just open in one side
without the other knoledge you just messing with someone else
feelings and rights, especially in gay relationship sometimes the
more active one ( read : The most top one ) because of the family
religious background or culture, they end up taking on board those
old fashion male principles of the straight wourld, where men need
more sex than women and bla bla bla, but hey ,wake up ,we are talking
about two dudes here, what works for you works for me, and if you
like to try different butts maybe your partner may enjoy some new
cocks too! Before your relationship get any more serious is worth you
both seat down and define the boundaries of your relationship before
your relationship do that for you.
5 ) Take a good third pespective look
at your relationship, do you admire your partner ? Would you be his
friend if wasn't a sexual connection beteewen you two ? If your
answer was no it means you two were better off as a one night stand,
as even for a good fuck buddy some mental chemistry is necessary!
Unfortunately we all confuse sex with love, and the best sex not
always comes with the best head attached and you may end up in a
relationship that only works in bed, but like Madonna used to say :
Satin sheets are very romantic but happen when you are not in bed ?
6 ) Sometimes a fuck is just a fuck,
you met a new guy and he is really nice,great sex but he can't stop the sex
hunting even at you presence ? Thanks to new hook ups smarts phones,
then please lower your expectations, because that means that : 1 ) He
is a internet sex addicted and it wont stop even that he really likes
you or 2 ) You a very nice but you never know when something better
may be 5 mins walk on Grindr, so for that type I will say do it as
they do ,enjoy the night but dont be surprise if they forget to call
you until their next horny day or even if they just even not bother
to call you anymore at all because they found that someone better (
of the week ) so some people should be treated as a piece of meat as
they see other people to be. Hush ? Maybe, but makes easier for you
identify and then open your life for a future boyfriend or even for a
fuck buddy that do care about you as a person as he does as your
lover.It doesn't matter if you have another hook up for tomorrow, at least have the respect to treat the today hook up with the respect he deserves and if the only think you can do in your spare time is to to fuck with as much people as you could, if that is your life call is fine, but if you not in a sauna or in a threesome at least enjoy one at the time, if you are not a prostitute the next client can wait you get alone again to arrange the next meeting. 
7 ) If your partner keep betraying your
trust or fool other people and is well know as a trouble
maker,believe me even if that didn't affect you yet,in some point it
will, if he didn't turn evil on you yet,try to break up to see how
disrespectful for your both story and how public your private laundry
can be wash , so while you with that person: no nude pics ,no private porno
movies ,i know I know you are not a famous celebrity, but not really
want to your mom watch that DVD that came in the post of her son
taking up in the arse dress in leather, do you ?
I also could continue to write about it
and add even more topics ,what makes funny if not tragic is that all
those headaches and complications could be all solve it if we were a
little bit more honest with ourselves and with others, call me old
fashion but I dont need to sign a papper to make my word worth it,
doesn't matter how many times I get my hearbroken or get my
expectations frustated I will never lose my faith in people and in
myself, get yourself hurt is not a excuse for your put less effort in
your relationnships,friendships or work commitements,learn from your
mistakes and from other people mistakes ( as you not gonna live
enough to commit all mistakes ) so next time you will be able to make
better choices, who dont take risks,dont suffer but also dont live. (
please not talking about sexual protection, comdoms always )
Steve Cavalcanti
"Dont have sex man.it leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them."
Steve Martin
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