Photography, if there is one thing that my life it was always about it was photography, not only the exercise of taking pictures but the whole world of image, for me there was always something magical about freezing a moment in time, and later in life it was also incredible be able to create a moment or a idea through pictures.
I still remember the first time that my mind grabbed the concept of having my pictures taken ,i was around 2 years old and my mom was asking me to step into the sand on the playground so she could frame me on the picture and the only thing i could think it was why should i dirty my brand new shoes over that stupid little box that keeps blinding me few times every day.

If you are over 30 you probably remember back from your holidays craving to develop your summer shoots to find out that most of them were blurry or ugly leaving probably just few pictures to the family album, but we had a blast, so since when we became so demanding about our own images ? can you remember running from the camera because of awful spot in your forehead ? i do ,in a time without Photoshop we were careful to not leave our imperfection on display for the future generations appreciation.

Iphone is not the best camera
(myself yesterday at the gym)

In a time where models were sent home because of a stretch mark we were much more kind with ourselves, time where the actresses were only in the silver screen not in the shampoo commercials selling a beauty that they don't really have themselves, time where wrinkles were just part of growing old, where the only work done used to be in our hairdos.

When i was about 11 my mom decided to be a photographer and for almost a year she attend a very famous Photography course in my country, it was probably my first photographer assistant job, helping my mom in the dark room, for me the process of transforming that plain white sheet in a picture it was something magical for me!

Little Steve ( around 8 )

As a kid i used to enjoy go around and taking pictures but i wasn't exactly a big fan of having my pictures taken ,not because i didn't want to but because i didn't enjoy see my chubby self on paper ( and I'm sorry but everybody likes to have a good picture of themselves, who says no is because never liked the results of previous pictures taken but don't want admit ) as i reached 18 nature turned in my favour and i became a good looking boy, nothing that stop traffic but attractive enough to be notice.

Myself today

  As i started to get complements of how good i look in some family and friends snap shoots, that creates my interest in how photography works,i mean i don't normally scare anyone i met first in the internet in real life,but i'm not all the super confident or sexy as i saw myself looking in the picture, sure is part of me ,but it's the way i project myself and then i started to see interviews with supermodels ( back in the 90's so it was no photoshop ) and they were quite different from the famous pictures we all saw back in the day.

I used to have so much hair! lol around 14 years old 

One of the biggest mistakes that we all do is judge the book by the cover, be a model (and I'm not one by the way ) is like being a actor, your job is to use your features to sell a idea,that not necessarily is what you are about,but what you became depending of a situation.

Picture taken last year by my ex (a professional photographer)

  My friends probably see a little of me in some of my best sexiest photos, but my lovers actually did, because the Steve from the pictures is the flirtation me, the one that normally comes out when i'm around people that attractive me, my inner peacock,and the only way to someone stand out in a picture is if you kind have a eye contact with the person on that picture,when is like they are looking at you personally.

Picture taken by my mom
I'm around 12 years old )

 But the moments that i'm not horning ( lol ) i'm probably more of the funny type, and can't be bother if my hair is messy or my socks smell,the other one probably just will show up only when there is a bed around and a possible fun night ahead.

Myself today

 And here i am again, surround by this strange drug that is to froze moments with the greatest invention  of all after wheel ,the camera, by studding my own face and how light/shadows,expression and attitude do make the difference in a picture and loving use that in others.

Today while i was on the facebook i came across of the news of the pass of the adult entertaining actor Erik Rhodes, i wasn't a particular fan, to be honest from his pictures i knew i saw him somewhere ( after i did my research and then i remembered ) for some reason what intrigue me about him was the fact he died of a heart attack while sleeping and from some comments about how caring and sweet human being he was, and i : Wait a minute, are we talking about a porno star here ? 

So i did my research, and for my embarrassment yeah he was a good guy, with a Blog where he describe his life and his thoughts and his plans for the future, and how hard it was read between so many beautiful messages of RIP read so many offensive messages that im sure it will hurt his parents and the people who love him. Worse than me who the first thought it was "A sweet porno star ?" it was the people judging his steroid intake and saying he deserved, like anyone minding their own business deserve to die.I did take drugs and did home video porno movies like probably 75% of the gay population, the only reason that my heart didn't stop it was the quantity and the only reason you haven't seen my videos yet is because im not famous. 

I still haven't finish to read his Blog, but what i saw so far, is the journal of a young gay man, that like any other gay man was trying to look his best and was very lost as his porno persona took over his life and made him invisible, who only found comfort and understanding through the people of the adult business entertainment. 


The use of Steroids by men cause in many cases the same effect of the Bulimia and Anorexia cause in women, but nobody will go around saying : - That bitch wanted so much  to be skinny that now she got her wish! will they ? in the same way a ultra skinny girl can't see how skinny she is the same apply to the muscles guys about their size, gays or not ,the girls obsession for beauty and perfection finally caught us, and now we are the ones dying to be drop dead Gorgeous, and we are actually dropping dead and there is nothing gorgeous about it. 

I found very bizarre how fast people judge and condemn someone's soul even before their body has the time to get cold, don't get me wrong im not one of those people that think someone became a saint just because is dead, but i think only someone very close or the person himself know what was really going on when someone kill himself in purpose, by accident or unconsciously like i kind of think was the case.


How many times in my life i put my life at risk because i was having a good time or because i was in a very difficult time of my life and i thought : - If kills me so be it ,but it didn't, Karma, lucky whatever you prefer to see it, the difficult times were gone and i was again taking care of myself, but unfortunately for some people like Erik there were no chance to go back and undone, because sometimes we need to live with the consequences of our actions for a lifetime  ( if you lucky enough to have a lifetime to think what you did wrong )

It really breaks my heart that his last words on his most recent entry on his blog was : "I'm waiting until i pop or my liver to fails....which every comes first. " it was clearly that something was going terrible wrong in his life,but as any person that lives from his image, he was a attention seeker and maybe for that reason his words wasn't taken seriously. 


When i was starting to go to the gym i did think about going to the Steroid way, but first of all : God knows what that thing would do with my body, and you would say : Yeah not if you take the right stuff and do in the right way ! Yeah sure,but but with 2000 people saying something different which one really know what he saying ? Am i that vain to put my life at risk of  cancer, liver failure or heart attack just for few years of muscle beauty before the 40's come and my body start to lose his muscle density ? no, thanks !

If i could give you younger pretty boys out there it is : Don't do steroids, they do make us look wonderful and more attractive at first glance, but it is something hard to maintain and will put your body under a stress that may take your life in those down moments when our auto preservation instinct are not fully on. 

There is nothing wrong in be the best of you can be, because if sometimes not even perfect porno stars can keep up what to say about us poor love handles mortals ? My love goes for his family, because behind of any dragqueen, porno star there is a person with their own story and reasons.  

                                                                         

                                                                         R.I.P

Yesterday i was watching one of many tv programs dedicated to the Diamond Jubilee of the Queen, what made me think and reposition my ideas of what the Royal family represent in today's world and how really relevant they still is.

As a foreigner in this country but also with my share of British blood through my father's family, the British culture and history were always interesting for me in a more curious way that a a way of life. As a person with my eye on the future and in everything that may be the next big thing, im not the person that you may think has  any interest on the old, but i think for we totally appreciate and understand our modern days you should look in the past, you should try to understand how we get here. 

Watching the Tv Special, we were able to see never seen footage of the Queen in her young years, showing private recordings of the family in holidays away from the public eye, and is funny and obvious they are all humans, but was kind of refreshing see that indoors they were capable of the same silliness and demonstration of bond that we all share with our family and friends.What made me consider that maybe the Queen also poo like the rest of us. (lol)

Won't be honest if i don't say that part of the allure of the Royal Family kind of died when Diana died, in my eyes she was the person tha brought the Royal Family to the 21th century, she gave the Royals a more fun but also more human ( and dysfunctional ) image.She dyed her hair, she brought high fashion to  Buckingham Palace and taught her kids how to  relate to other people,but also learned that you can't manipulate the Media as you wish and show the world the dirty under the Royal Family carpet.

But through history you learn that much before Diana, there were other Royals that were born to be Wild ( the same of being normal for us ) the king Edward VIII who abdicated of his throne for the American Wallis Warfield Simpson a divorcee  in 1936, in 1950 Princess Margaret wasn't allow to marry Peter Townsend because he was a divorcee ( twenty and three years later she would become a divorcee herself ) she died alone at the age of 71 in 2002, Margaret blamed the queen's private secretary, Sir Alan Lascelles, for the campaign against the match, and never forgave him and was seen openly saying as he passed by : " There goes the man who ruined my life ".

And of course the most infamous one, that was Charles and his long lasting love Camilla Parker Bowles, we all should give him a chance to be finally with the woman that his heart choose much earlier than Diana, his crime was just try to do what a future king suppose to do ( whatever actually that is ) but even arranged royal marriages will crumble if this is absolutely nothing there to start with, and having dated Diana older sister in the past, they just picked the most appropriate one ,she was chosen like a Breeding horse.

Going through their history sometimes you can't help but feel sorry for them, yeah they have all this money and luxury that not even people like Madonna could dream of, but different than pop superstars, they are not allow to screw up, they caught prince Harry with a spliff as a teenager and was a huge national commotion, wait a minute, really ? and talking about wild Royal Children, the tradition apparently will continues with Harry, leaving all the responsibility to William who also broke the rules himself marring someone with no royal blood whatsoever and with that he may just reborn the world interest on the medieval art propaganda because let's face it ,the British Royals were the first Global international superstars of all, so if the Queen should be thankful to the people of Britain of her past, ironically she should thanks Diana that monarchy will have a future as in this culturally pop world we live in, William and Kate will be the modern, pretty and more human face of the British Royal family. 

 GOD SAVE THE QUEEN AND ALL THE OTHER                .........."QUEENS" THAT KEPT HER THERE...........






       Steve Cavalcanti

    

Like all the best families, we have our share of eccentricities, of impetuous and wayward youngsters and of family disagreements.Elizabeth II

So often we hear about domestic violence in the straight world, but rarely people take notice of that the same thing do happen on the pink side of the bruise and sometimes the saichological abusive relationships are the ones that left the most print on us.

Im no new to that kind of relationship and I had lived the experience twice in my life ,one in my first relationship when my stupidity and youth let me listen my partner and made me run from my own home and what it started like a action romantic movie end up like those cheap documentaries about the sub world and their ativities.( because when I was already living with him I found out he as a scort boy ) lol

The second it happen not long ago and caught me in a very low and sad time of my life, and if advice it really works to anything I will tell you now, really careful when you feel down or going through a rough time in your life because your urge for some sympathy it will attract only the real life crows, people that live in other people energy, that kind people not having much luck trying to push down the carpet of someone that is having a good time for example and will attack those that have no shield against them.

Don't take me wrong, I assume completely responsibility to let thing go bad to worse,in the end of the story nobody put a gun in my head,but there is always a voice in the back of your head telling you the truth, and we choose not to listen, please dont confuse live dangerously with hurting yourself in purpose, because if a relationship are making you feel worse than better then you are hurting yourself, lose your self respect and your hability to enjoy your life it is some kind of death, you are killing your spirit.

Every whore has a sad story to teel and as a gay men we are all in one level or another all whores with issues, some crumble in their own issues, some live in denial and others sort themsselves out, I like to think I belong to the third category, as I call myself “Nerd with a twist” I love to learn new thing and get my own conclusions about it including moments to stop and think about what I done right and wrong and formulate what I learn from it ,because every situation in your life will have something worth learning,bad or good.

I would not describe all the events and situations I lived in those bad moments otherwise I would need to divide this post in 3 sections, but I can totally give you the advice that can maybe salve you some traumas and headaches, doesn't matter in which side of the evil stick are you, not assuming here that im a expert on the field, but just someone letting it out some of those situations that I not only lived myself but also saw around me and realise the most of the time they got the same results,here are some of them :

1 ) First Impressions last : Doesn't matter if you met a new man in the Match.com or Manhunt, one or another it will not be a garanteen of romance or sex if your act is not together, be precise about what you want and who you are, lie it may attract more people,but if by mistake you attract the man of your dreams it will be twice dramatic see him lose interest because of your lies, never take anyone for granted, because the one night stand or fuckbuddy of today may turn into your tomorrow partner ,so start clean so you dont need to fix or create a ball of lies in the future. Be a filthy whore in bed doesn't mean you should be one out of bed too.

2 ) Even if you are in a monogamous relationship you still a unity, dont take me wrong, I wish your relationship last forever,but lets be honest, in our days relationships are like your grosseries it will expire in some point, and if that happen,how much of you will be left ? I love going out dancing, I love go around museus taking pictures like a retard, what I did ? I stop all because that made us fight , stopping what you like it won't make you hate it ,it will build up the toxins that it will cause the end of your relationship down in the line.

3 ) In any relationship there is a bit of competition, but as long you both are competing to a common beneficial result that is perfectly normal, but when the compettion goes to offensive comments that knock your confidence down or who is more attractive to others, that means one or the two of you are overweighting this ship, and there is just one space left in this titanic save bolt ! Because I was slightly chubby and after a year listening to a very rash comments about my curves I develop a brilhant eating desorder that made me drop more than two stones what made me end up looking like a AIDS patience in the end of the 80's. (click on the pic for the link ) 

4 ) You know that old saying don't to others what you wouldn't like to yourself ? So be honest with yourself and the person that you are with, there is nothing wrong about you want to be sexuality with someone else, they call Open Relationship, but when the Open Relatonship is just open in one side without the other knoledge you just messing with someone else feelings and rights, especially in gay relationship sometimes the more active one ( read : The most top one ) because of the family religious background or culture, they end up taking on board those old fashion male principles of the straight wourld, where men need more sex than women and bla bla bla, but hey ,wake up ,we are talking about two dudes here, what works for you works for me, and if you like to try different butts maybe your partner may enjoy some new cocks too! Before your relationship get any more serious is worth you both seat down and define the boundaries of your relationship before your relationship do that for you.

5 ) Take a good third pespective look at your relationship, do you admire your partner ? Would you be his friend if wasn't a sexual connection beteewen you two ? If your answer was no it means you two were better off as a one night stand, as even for a good fuck buddy some mental chemistry is necessary! Unfortunately we all confuse sex with love, and the best sex not always comes with the best head attached and you may end up in a relationship that only works in bed, but like Madonna used to say : Satin sheets are very romantic but happen when you are not in bed ?

6 ) Sometimes a fuck is just a fuck, you met a new guy and he is really nice,great sex but he can't stop the sex hunting even at you presence ? Thanks to new hook ups smarts phones, then please lower your expectations, because that means that : 1 ) He is a internet sex addicted and it wont stop even that he really likes you or 2 ) You a very nice but you never know when something better may be 5 mins walk on Grindr, so for that type I will say do it as they do ,enjoy the night but dont be surprise if they forget to call you until their next horny day or even if they just even not bother to call you anymore at all because they found that someone better ( of the week ) so some people should be treated as a piece of meat as they see other people to be. Hush ? Maybe, but makes easier for you identify and then open your life for a future boyfriend or even for a fuck buddy that do care about you as a person as he does as your lover.It doesn't matter if you have another hook up for tomorrow, at least have the respect to treat the today hook up with the respect he deserves and if the only think you can do in your spare time is to to fuck with as much people as you could, if that is your life call is fine, but if you not in a sauna or in a threesome at least enjoy one at the time, if you are not a prostitute the next client can wait you get alone again to arrange the next meeting. 

7 ) If your partner keep betraying your trust or fool other people and is well know as a trouble maker,believe me even if that didn't affect you yet,in some point it will, if he didn't turn evil on you yet,try to break up to see how disrespectful for your both story and how public your private laundry can be wash , so while you with that person:  no nude pics ,no private porno movies ,i know I know you are not a famous celebrity, but not really want to your mom watch that DVD that came in the post of her son taking up in the arse dress in leather, do you ?

I also could continue to write about it and add even more topics ,what makes funny if not tragic is that all those headaches and complications could be all solve it if we were a little bit more honest with ourselves and with others, call me old fashion but I dont need to sign a papper to make my word worth it, doesn't matter how many times I get my hearbroken or get my expectations frustated I will never lose my faith in people and in myself, get yourself hurt is not a excuse for your put less effort in your relationnships,friendships or work commitements,learn from your mistakes and from other people mistakes ( as you not gonna live enough to commit all mistakes ) so next time you will be able to make better choices, who dont take risks,dont suffer but also dont live. ( please not talking about sexual protection, comdoms always )

Steve Cavalcanti 

                 "Dont have sex man.it leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them."

                                                                       Steve Martin

I'm beautiful doesn't matter what they say

Few days ago there is this Freak show surround what the journalist Samantha Brick wrote about herself in a article,she said she was a lesbian ? That she enjoys be tired up ? Nooo, she just said that she is beautiful, so what is so shocking about it ? First of all it is the fact that she can say that out loud, and second is the fact that she is not actually beautiful, ohh a bit rash dont you think ? She also afirmed that other women are jelous of beautiful women, and strangenly enough was that statement that burst the tempers of the women nation.

Now,come on ? Even that beauty it is in the eye of the beer holder (lol) say you are beautiful is as much as a powerful and open for questioning statement than women dont like pretty women (dah) is one of those things that everybody knows but dont metion it, it is the elephant in the room.

I was raised surround by women in my my family and friends, and yeah women get insecure surround by beautiful women, in the same way that men get insecure when they see their partner looking to some six abs in magazines or at the gym, even the most beautiful person would have their insecurities moments and desire a more design abs or their mother's blue eyes, we are never satisfied with ourselves, what until surtain point is a very healphy thing, be better,faster,smarter is what motivate humanity to go forward,always searching for a better way to be yourselves.

Like the journalist said in her interview,she always notice how men approuch her in a different way ( Like the commandant of a flight send her Champagne and she said that not even surprise her because always happen ) and how jelousy even terminated some of her friendships,and the fact is that actually could be true, in my way of see things are two different kind of people you want to be sexually or romantically envolved, the pretty ones ( in my opinion are normally the ones that you just sleep with ) and the attractive ones ( and that means they can be pretty or not ) and normally are the ones that you want to continue to see after the first night of sex.

Her mistake for what conserns me is that she made the mistake of confuse the word “attractive” for “beautiful” because that word implict a perfection that just few of us have,and rarely you will see the ones that have it say that out loud, they don't need as there is a legion of people to say that for them.

Not even people there are perfect in our imagination aren't truly happy with themselves sometimes,and for the ones that end up dying searching for the ultimate beauty under the shadow of their own public perfection persona.

Was like that American Beauty Peagent Carrie Prejean saying that just straight couples have the right to marriage ,no offense ( like no offense makes everything better ) as someone that sometimes abuse of his right to be honest, I know perfectly when is the moment that I have been sassy or just cross the line and mad fool of myself, and it is a fine line there, say that you are beautiful is not much different than say that marriage is just for straights or homosexuals are all pedophiles,no ofense!!

I totally admire the courage of these women to say things like that without a shadow of embarassment in their faces,when you make a strong statement about yourself you automatically give the right to other people exame you searching for the true.

Years of datings, affairs and sexual interactions can obviously give you a good picture of how popular you are,so if you are attractive and go and say that you are ugly then you are also wrong and are just being needy of attention, I believe that a healfhy mind is the one that balance things out ,beauty is not only in the perfect chin or that amazing six pack, beauty and combination of different sychological prints as it is physical.

Confidence is beautiful, dose with a little of humbleness and you have a pretty good chance to not make fool of yourself or leave the room as the arrogant prejudice prick, but dont get me wrong you got all the right and deserve feel beautiful, say that to your dog, to your reflection and even to your mother ( she probably will agree ) just dont say that in front of the nation and get surprise by the backlash, or better saying, if angelina and Brad haven't done it yet it probably won't work for you, so wake up Cindy(rela) .

Here is the article itself : http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2124246/Samantha-Brick-downsides-looking-pretty-Why-women-hate-beautiful.html

And her interview after the public backlash :  

"If you're gonna be two-faced at least make one of them pretty."
Marilyn Monroe

She is the queen of reinventation,and of course I not even need to say her name,so this post is a homage and also my opinion on Madge's life and body work.

This was definitely Madonna's year, another Golden Globe, this time for best song on her first movie as a director, another winning album that ask for give all our luv to her,and once more we did. Is almost crazy to imagine that the Vogue video and song were release 20 years ago and some how still so relevant as her creator herself.

The last 2 records I bought before the invasion of the cd was Michael Jackson Moonwalker and Like a Prayer, even that my personality was still pretty much in development, something about her courage and twisted approuch to polemic subjects really attract me, it was a glimpse of my future sexuality and also my very own twisted sense of humour and opinions.

I still remember my older sister telling me about going to this gay club and how overwelming it was when a new Madonna song was playing and the whole club started to go wild and making syncronizing moviments named Vogue ,the same name of this international massive success song that turned Madonna from the naughty singer sansentional into the ultimate queen of the pop.

As a young man from the 90's is impossible remember my party nights without remember Madonna, if today you have Britney,Riahna,Christina,Kylie and so on,back then it was just Madonna,no singer it would have the courage to pull those lyrics and provocative attics without being fear to lose their musical carriers.So does not really matter if you like her or not, she definitely open the path for all the divas of today.

In the same time that Madonna was seating down singing this Ballad about her friend that died of AIDS I lived the fear of my youth, was lucky enough to pass through that phase where a lot of people I knew was gone by that terrible disease. The musical scenario was changing bringing the eletronic music, sound that I first got the glimpse through miss Ciccone and her Bedtime Stories album and it was a love for life much more enjoyed since I moved to UK and their amazing rave nights that I participated.

I could remember diffferent phases of my life through all Madonna Albuns,American life when I decided to go back to Brazil to live in a city I not even knew because the person I was in love with wanted to go back following the Confessions on the dance floor and me realising that someone's dream is someone else's nightmare, so “Je suis désolée “ and goodbye ,but I wasn't prepared for how Britain it changed since I moved out, was also a great time,new love and the return of my nights out with my friends.

From 2007 many events in my life too intimate for me to post here it happen and my life went completely upside down and by irony it proved myself that I am a hard candy ,and listening to this album I went trhought the most stressful times of my life where all my self confindence was gone and life it was pretty terrible for me.

Maybe one of the things that makes me appreciate and relate to her the most is her spirit and bounce back attitude, she out lived all the new pop princess and just showed with her new album that she still got it and she is not gonna give her thone away, especially to Lady Gaga any time soon.

My life now is not exactly MDMA but close to my Hard Candy two years now is pure Reiventation,after all this time im finding new sides of me that if it wasn't already here it probably because I finally giving myself a rest and allowing myself to explore and getting in the conclusion that people it will talk doesn't matter what and I came across all the bad things in my life keeping my head high and my good will intact,although like Madonna my face may not show what life and time did to me but if you look to my arms and hands it is all there ( in my case still only in my thining hair and expression wrikles ) lol

People tent to think that the art of fight with life is about destroy your enemies, but is actually being strong and keep moving forward doesnt matter what it has been through at you until the point that your enemy have no other choice but become your ally.

If squares objects and minds were good, men wouldn't create the wheel to move things forward :)

Steve Cavalcanti

My new Madonna Favourites : Gang Bang ,Beautiful Killer,Im a sinner and L-U-V MADONNA lol

I would like to make a review of all her songs but I will leave to my website later this month !

I leave you if this funny parody of Madonna : Give me all you Blood

Special thanks for the great fan pages where the pictures to illustrate this entry were taken ( some were altered by me to suits the blog style and colours )  

The Best of Madonna

( http://www.facebook.com/DaniCiccone88 )

And Madonna's Extreme

( http://www.facebook.com/MadonnaExtreme )