THE EX LESBIAN THE SANTA CLAUS AND OTHERS TRUE STORIES

Today it happened something really weird that I thought it was valid to write and show here about it as a demonstration how ignorance, homophobia and hate most of the times comes from our own people and how important is for parents of gay teens be more understanding of their straggling for love and acceptance, because the result is a suicidal young person who never gonna live to see that life actually get better and some like this girl I will talk about it further down that probably had her sexuality so castrated from her parents and community that became this sexually mess up person with extreme religious views and someone set to be forever unhappy making the life of people around her so miserable as herself.

So, was me today killing time in front of the computer watching about this campaign in American entitled IT GETS BETTER, where famous gay celebrities, gay employees from facebook, pixar, google and even the America president himself talk straight to the very young gay kids in America about not tolerating bullying for being gay and how those hard times of getting out of the closet it will get better as they get older. All these because was a increase rate of suicidal among gay teen in America.

I current live in England where we not only have the right to married (ok, civil partnership but rights first equal titles later) but being gay is not consider a chock for a quite long time! For someone from Brazil not to get a reaction when I say im gay it is actually a chock, I grew up watching on the news about gays that got killed or were bashed, for someone from my generation I was quite brave getting out of the closet when I was 18, but I can tell that the only reason I became a adjust and valuable part of this society is because I had the love and support of my family from the very beginning, telling me that I was all right letting me to fully develop mentally and emotionally.

I admit, I left a message in the Obama speech that wasn´t quite polite, it was motivated from this person with the suggestive nickname “savethegays” that thinks being gay is like a t-shirt you can try on and then change as you which, and that how all started :

Savethegays2 They will go to hell because of the life they are living, if they want help they should go to a church who can help them get there life right!

Myself Who cares what the bible says anyway, is just a book of fairy tales to mislead people about what this life is all about that is live this life, i dont care about paradise and if i gonna have another life after this one, nobody really knows what happen after we are dead and im not willing to bet my happiness in this life in exchange a some "x-men" life in a world that i not even know exist ! I dont need religion to be a good person or to care about other people !

Savethegays2 Just because you dont want to believe in God does not mean you should prevent everyone else from believing in God. I feel very sad for you. Loving God and following his word makes me happy.

Myself Sorry if i was too rush, if i start to think i can prevent people to do what they want to do then it would not be very different from the church people that thinks they can prevent me to live my life the way i want ,i would never prevent anyone to believe in whatever they want to believe, if your faith makes you happy im happy for you, but for the moment you think you can take away my happiness because of your believes that is the moment when your religion start to get ugly !

Savethegays2 They choose to be gay so they choosed to be bullied. gay teens are not the only ones who are bullied. They tell nerds and geeks to get over it so ima tell faggot teens to get over it also. President Obama is the best President we ever had and i can see that someone is apart of the KKK group.

Myself Choose to be gay ? i promise myself not to be rude with you because you were sounding like delusional but peaceful person in your last message for me,but come on ? choose ? someone really wakes up one day and decide to suck a big cock instead of fuck his wife,do you really think is that simple ? nobody should be bullied doesn´t matter the reason,i dont like people like u that think can interfere in my life,that is reason enough for me to beat ,bully you? that is what u god teaches?

Savethegays2 You can live your liife in sin but gay people want to change the definition of marriage which is wrong and two men together is unnatural. not right in any way possible. as a citzen i dont have to accept your messed up lifestyle and i have a right to vote against it. yes gay people choose to be gay instead of getting help. like i said before. everyone is bullied. gays are no different from nerds and fat people who get bullied, so they should just get the fuck over it.

Myself For me feels very natural thank you very much is just funny that how interest in my sexual life you are, maybe because you dont have a good one yourself ,im not really interest in you sexual life as people like you are on mine,and if you are against gay marriage just dont get married to one ,is that simple! And guess what ? your battle is a losing game,is no way to get backwards anymore mate,so get over it yourself !You hate fat people,nerds,gays and then come to talk about sin ? lol

Savethegays2 first i do not hate anyone, the only people i hate is the LGBT community.

Myself i was just looking down on this page ,you are a lesbian that stop to have relationships with other women ( by the way, that doesn´t make you straight ) and now having a relationship with a black male ? if i got right you are totally nuts and hypocrite in the same time, first you denying who you are (that is totally your right) but worse, you trying to input your unhappiness to your own kind ? and use the bible against gays but was used to segregate black people from the society? Lol

Myself Is funny but if you gonna follow the bible in that so disturbed way ,you should go all the way ,not just jump the parts that will put you in jeopardy! You know that if you were in the 60´s your bible people would be doing with you exactly you like doing with gay ,fat nerd people today ? for "god" sake go and look for help ,you are totally mentally unstable and obviously very unhappy person ! Dump your BF and go eat pussy and make your life happy in this life !

Savethegays2 that is really disgusting. i will never be with a women. Its a sin and i actually want to go to heaven. I love men not women. and men are suppose to be with women and women are suppose to be with men. I will follow Gods words.

first of i am black female that is dating a white male and i did like females when i was 15 but you know what i did, I GOT HELP. my family and church family helped me get over the illness that is homosexuality and i am a very happy straight women. i am proff that if gays get help for their illness they will live a happy life and will go to heaven instead of hell. being gay or lesbian is an abomination and goes against Gods laws.

Myself Oh sorry i lost this part, so then u are the black one,so i think you are twice a back stabler ,because if you couldn´t relate to the homophobic topic because as you said you were once gay,but they brainwash you and now you are straight, at least you should relate with the strangle of people there are different but have the right to be equal, im a white male what if i decide to bash u because you are black ?oh no ,you are racist !! and homophobia is what? u are worse than i thought !

You have the right to follow whatever religion you want, deny yourself as much you want and believe in whatever you want and actually you got the right to hate as much gay people you want, but if you want all those rights,im sorry but if you really want that your choices, preferences (named as you which) be respected you should start to respect other people choices, believes and preferences too ! Are many other religions in this world with different believes then yours and they should be respect too, im not saying you should like it, but just respect the fact that nobody is like you or me ,everybody is unique with their own ambitions, desires and unique way of thinking! Respect to be respected.

WHILE I WAS WRITING SHE GOT ALSO MANY FURIOUS COMMENTS FROM THE OTHER USERS AND VANISH FROM THIS POINT.

Not sure if i will do another post until Christimas, so in case im not i would like to wish for all you guys a beautiful christmas doesn´t matter your religion, sexuality or gender!

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

Eleanor Roosevelt

IF YOU LIKE KNOW BETTER ABOUT THE IT GETS BETTER PROJECT GO TO THEIR WEBSITE WHERE YOU CAN READ AND WATCH MILLIONS OF VIDEOS OF SUCCESSFUL GAY ADULTS AND THEIR STORIES (LINK HIGHLIGHTED ABOVE)

FIVE YEARS LATER

Hello guys, here is me again, after more than two months without posting, sorry for my absence but I had a good excuse after 5 years I was in my birth country Brazil and it was awesome. When you live so far from home is easy for you to forget the basic you, yourself from the time you weren’t so complex, when you had all the time in this world and life was so much simple but you didn’t know it.

My trip to the Memory Lane was a good time for me to heal old wounds; to check out my own mortality, realize how much I changed and how some things will never change. Stay away from home for so long can really makes you understand what are the real priorities in your life and where your heart really rely on!

After 5 years my grandmother that was a very healthy middle age woman became a old lady with difficulties to walk, breath and hear, in five years my niece that was a charming little girl became this funny, energetic dirty mouth pre-teenager that speak to me like my equal, in five years i got a father that finally understood his mistakes of 30 years and made his amends, in five years I was out of place in my favorite disco club, in five years I became a person on my own rights.

Time runs faster like never, is kind of funny why times pass by so slowly when you are teen and more close you get of your 30´s faster it goes and after 30 the train goes even faster and sometimes you don’t have time to look back carefully and analyse your journey and get a good picture about what you became.

In my memory and in my family memory i was still the extremely young, shy but energetic young boy that I always was, and even in the back of my mind that is the way I was still picturing myself, backing to my land, to my roots was also backing to my past, the last time I was more than a week in Sao Paulo it was 10 years ago, this time I was there for almost 2 months, time enough for me go through old pictures, to see my then irresponsible old sister mature into a carrying hard working mom, to realise im not so energetic anymore but in the same time not shy neither, time made me tougher, rude sometimes but haven’t change my love for life and faith in people good will, just being the person I am today gave some people a good lesson about how wrong is judging a book by the cover and who once predicted a dark future for myself today live their own produced darkness, time also haven’t change things that I hoped it would but in the same time show me that I lost something I shouldn’t that is my patience and that is necessary to deal with the people you love most.

Be so far away made me realise I became this “no land being” I no longer belong there but im also don’t belong here, I became this tourist on the move, someone that doesn’t speak any language right but who also can communicate in any language, my brain became this vast place full of words and experiences that nobody in my birth country could never imagine, in order to achieve those great memories of learning, trips and culture knowledge I paid a great price but im proud of what I did and now I think I finally ready to this second part of my life where the destiny is not maturity only, is infinite and beyond ! ( yeah yeah im maturing but I still like animations and Toy Story is my favorite one dah ) lol

OUT OF THE CLOSET OR JUST A OUTSIDER ?

As a gay man living abroad im used to the term “outsider” my whole life, in my birth country being openly gay (at least in my time) was a big no no, so most of the times I was part of a group but they weren’t part of me as my admission in such groups was just a lie, my way to not be excluded, but even that didn’t help because just made me the weirdest member, the one that never talk dirty about the girls, the one that always feel uncomfortable around naked guys, in a way I was just a bad liar, but because im not the kind of guy you can spot as your stereotyped gay guy, was always difficult for others guess that my weirdness has a name call homosexuality.

Different from the gay people on this country that have been enjoying sexual freedom for a longer period of time than my generation had ( at least in my country ) i had two different experiences about it ,one was at home ,where I was extremely fortunate to have a loving caring family that was also open mind and the real life outside where I needed to lie in the daily basis ! Brazil got this difficult to understand hypocritical behaviour where you can display a girl’s ass on national tv or be extremely promiscuous but be gay can generate so many different reactions all cause by ignorance, religion and our Latin culture where a man should be a macho man that don’t respect their women and can’t keep his thing in their pants (I’ve been out with some of those married with kids “macho man” and I can tell they are not that macho as it says on the label)

So when I was around 23 years old tired of lying at work and been target of predatory women (that was the worse part, in Brazil the have this thing that if a woman hit on you, you not suppose to reject her because fat, ugly or whatever a pussy is a pussy and man like it, doest matter what comes attached with) i finally decided to make a old childhood dream comes true, I was going to London, land of the queen, the beautiful accent and where gays are actually consider normal people.

When I finally wasn’t the gay outsider anymore I became the foreigner outsider or how some people say “second class citizen” is kind alike being gay in Brazil, nobody will say in your face how against they are, or try to go to internet to understand what is all about, but they will make comments in your back about AIDS and how much we enjoy feces (I know sounds disgusting but there is actually people how think that way just for pure prejudice, ignorance or are too terrify to just go and read about it)

Over here was different, because in Brazil I could get the job or get what I want without restrictions as long I play the straight card, but here how can I hide my accent? so for make local friends, get the job I wanted I needed to do double the effort just because some people had a pre-concept idea about who i am using the little and wrong knowledge they had about where im coming from.

Of course when you deal with intellectual well travelled people they already know that if you are from Brazil it doesn’t mean you are poor educated or speak Spanish as first language, but when you start in a new country those people exist only in the other side of the counter where you gonna be serving coffee until you became smart enough to break free these “welcome to reality rituals” of a first world new country.

So, that was me working side to side with all kind of cultural, religion and educational background people of Europe and the world, very interesting and I definitely learned a lot from those experiences but I also learned that inside of those premises it wasn’t exactly ruled by the British culture but for a bunch of straight ignorant Spanish, polish, Italian, Brazilian guys who came to this country for the only purpose to make money and keep those minds well closed to any other lifestyle besides their own.

For me was like has been brought back to Brazil, but this time even worse because at least over there I was consider a real citizen and working in a suit exercising my brain not cover in mustard and smelling burned coffee standing up like a robot for 8 hours a day dealing with stupid co-worker and serving costumers that remind myself not long time ago.

Now I understand why immigration is always something related to the young population, because moving to a different country is not only about learn a different language, is about adapt to a new culture, new way to do everything, from the way you cross street to the way you take shower, is so much information that for you get in the point where everything starts to be easy and natural it takes a long period of trial, where you are pushed to the limits of your strength, especially if you come from a privileged background.

From a huge group of Brazilians trying their life over here I am one of the very few left, for most of my friends the weather, the hard work and the depressing mood brought by the winter was too much to bare, and like a lot of things in life it need to get bad before it gets better and im happy i did stick through all the ugly because now I can see things in a different perspective and I definitely became a better person and now when I go to a restaurant I know how much hard work is evolved and I take my time to show my appreciation (as I worked in all positions in a restaurant, from cleaning, washing plates to serving tables)

My outside condition brought me some fun times too, at least in the beginning, my Italian looks and my Brazilian accent maybe didn’t open some doors but definitely opened something else (sorry is a bad joke but I couldn’t help it! lol ) but even that can make you tired because people start to see you as their fantasy stereotype and in some point you going to spoil their dreams, because like Madonna once said : “Satin sheets are very romantic what happens when you’re not in bed”

Some people comes here and stay for decades and never improve their English or their understanding of this new culture and back home taking no much besides money and with their “Europe adventure dreams” smashed by the reality of it, I learned myself that the only way for you be treated as inferior is if you feel like one.

People really can smell it how you feel about yourself and will definitely respond to that, I change my life around from the moment that I stop to say sorry because I don’t fit in and started to stand up for myself. There is nothing you can do it about other people ignorance, but there is about how you react to that.

Be different makes you see the world in a different perspective, makes you respect other people differences and gives you a advantage point of view that can really makes you stands out from the crowd! This world was build from people who dared to be different than everybody else.

Steve Cavalcanti

no one can make you feel inferior without your consent

Eleanor Roosevelt

TAKING THE RISK AND THE CONSEQUENCES OF IT

“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.” Andre Gide

Risk, how often you got the courage to take it? I always lived by the philosophy that you will regret what you didn’t live and that is the way I lived my life, fearless and living the situations from the beginning to the end, good or bad I did, the result is that I probably had lived and experimented more emotions and life experiences than most people in my age, no doubt I had great joys, but also I did experimented

some unpleasant ones.

From my very beginning I learned that if you take the risk you may be rewarded, sometimes I was, sometimes I wasn’t and most of time exactly like a drug I did for the thrill, and when I say risk, is not life risk (don’t get me wrong) was more Rollercoaster where you know you protected with the sit belt, but that doesn’t seams to count when you are upside down screaming like you going to die and leave the Park cover in your own vomit.

But there is a moment in life (the one im

going through right now) that you

start to r

ealize

that sometimes step back it takes even more courage than go for it, especially when you start to understand that is a pattern in there, where the situations may be different but yourbehavior is not.

“Take calculated risks. That is quite different from being rash.” General George S. Patton

Back in 2001 I was in Brazil living with my mom, not worrying about a thing, with nice paid job in a reception of a five stars hotel, life was secure but boring, I wanted to travel the world, improve my English and making a world sex research (lol), one day when I was extremely bored I bought a airplane ticket in one day and travel to London in the next, with no guide of the city and only 3 days paid on a small Hilton in Piccadilly, I wanted a adventure and sure I had it, not exactly the one we picture in our mind when we think about it ! I forgot that with the adventure come rent, bills and horrible stupid servant jobs to keep up with the high life cost of one of the most expensive cities in the world.

But sure it all worth it, otherwise I wouldn’t still be here, but then in the end of 2003 when I had almost everything figure out love brought me back to Brazil, the love of my life (also from Brazil) decide back to our country and even that wasn’t my desire i follow (because I always thought that I would regret being here and let him goes away) I did, but my frustration for not being here anymore fuck it up my relationship over there.

So in the end of 2005 I was back to England, with new hopes, some bruises and no regrets and a brand new relationship, thinking that yes I could done more, but at least I took the risk and unfortunately didn’t pay off, but hey life need to go on and I was trying to show the world I learned something from it, but unfortunately I did the same mistake over again, going to live in Gran Canaria for almost a year and hating ever single minute! Here we gooo, back to London, single and re-starting my life all over again likes a broken record (like they say “First time shame on you, second time shame on me)

Most of my life I kind of negligent myself and kept drifting myself away with other people dreams, thinking that maybe with some love their dreams it will become mine and some of my love carrying it will become their, but it doesn’t work that way, nobody can complete you, we are already born complete and worse than feel uncompleted is feel uncompleted with someone next to you. It took me 16 years to finally enjoy my own company, to difference love from good sex and that love sacrifices can be a beautiful thing but is a two ways street, if you are the only one doing it ,you just have yourself to blame.

Life is not a chick flick, adventure doesn’t come without a cost and love is not a bullet proof bubble, if you turn your back to your own desires and dreams they will back to hunt you and quick your ass. Is easy make mistakes and starting over again when you are young and full of energy to do all over again, but after some point you get stuck in a time machine that keep rewinding and even the movie is great is some point you just want to jump to the next chapter and hope for a happy ending !

One of my favorites quotations (don’t know who wrote it) is : “ Learn from other people mistakes because you won’t live long enough to commit all of mistakes”

DO YOU HOLD GRUDGES?

Just watched another episode of Being Erica, where she travels to the 70´s and watched her divorced parents full of love for each other and wonder what’s happen, why things changed? And that made me think about my own family and personal issues and why we hold grudges.

Like they always say: ever queer got a sad story to tell, well I think everybody in general got one, and if you don’t, bad for you because I think that is essential part in our lives to teach us about forgiving and forget.

I think forgive is the easiest part, forget is the hardest, our love for someone (doesn’t matter if is family or not) is what makes us forgive, is something you learn quick and does take a effort, see forgive as the wound and forget as the scar, I did operate my knees when I was 15 but today when I dress up I not even bother to use trousers (something that would never happen until I was 25) most of the time because I completely forget I have a scar over there that it will be visible if I use shorts, but not because I don’t bother anymore that means that my scar will disappear, always when I look down to my knees I will remember the hospital ,my problem with the anaesthetic and the months of recovery, as long the time goes by my memories about it keep getting painless ,but never goes away, and so is painful memories and the responsible people evolved !

When you are young you tend to judge too much of let it go to easily, in most of the cases we do both always in the wrong time and moment, be a teenager can be a traumatise experience, and coming from a dysfunctional family doesn’t help, or may help? Is really beautiful see people that have dental cream commercial families, where everything works, those families that lives in the other side of their street, where the grass are greener and their smiles are brighter, would you not ever thought about break all those lovely teeth and burn their spotless houses down? No? I did, is very easy when we are not happy with our lives stop looking at ourselves and start watching someone else, like my mother always says: “My son is gay, but the neighbour’s son is a queer”

One of the things I really appreciate about the Brits and Americans is their sense of patriotism, doesn’t matter how fuck up is their government they always find something good to keep their faith up, Brits hold in the past and Americans in their people spirit, unfortunately a major flaw in my own country is about the self believing department, they tend to think they have all the problems and here in UK or America is the paradise lost, part of that illusion is exactly because the way those countries choose to portrait themselves and exactly like a lie, when is told so many times it becomes true. In Brazil happen exactly the opposite, the spirit that “we are less and the others are more” cause the same domino effect making people from this country and others think the things over there are worse than actually is, and as usual the Brazilian people tend to blame someone or something else for that image, of course the media create the circus so they can sell a story, but where those stories start in the first place? Is like some British celebrities over here, after had pictures taken without underwear and making personal confessions to the papers and making reality shows of their personal lives they got stress from abusive interferences in their private lives or when the media start to dig all the rubbish from their past, but who they have to blame?

Keep twisting the knife around the wound it wont make it heal and it won’t punish who did it but definitely it will keep hurting you, so instead of accusing someone or something as excuse to justify why you are the way you are, why not just do something about it? And im not talking about revenge but taking better care of yourself so next time nobody or anything can hit you hard enough to left a mark.

I learned that I couldn’t hold grudges from people that did hurt me; of course they could be more careful or less selfish. You always do your best to not be rude, to not hurt other people feelings, but is essential to understand that some people just don’t give a fuck and others not even know they are doing it, so is it! Not fair, yes I know so is life, you can’t control what other people will do to you, but you can keep some control about how much damage that it will cause.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent – Eleanor Roosevelt

Some time ago I was extremely fit because someone I was in love was rude enough to tell me I was looking fat and flaccid and told me how good looking everybody else were, I took that as a challenge and I made myself more fitter than the guys he was talking about, you would say “cool, so it all worth it, right? Not really, turn myself fitter didn’t make him respect me better and because I didn’t get fitter because of me after one year with the problems I left the gym and my new eating habits and almost back to the same old chubby myself.

Doesn’t matter how the love making is great after a fight or how special he is sometimes, nothing justify someone treat you like shit and the only reason they do is because you allow it, doesn’t matter how disgraceful they are, that is one thing you can be sure it won’t change overnight and the question is, are you sure you want to be around until that “change” happen? I experience on flash that “old habits die hard” and if you allow yourself to forgive, for some people it means almost like a not spoken agreement that you are cool with that attitude and you can be sure that whatever is happening that makes you feel bad it will happen all over again!

Im a natural fighter, if I put my mind on something normally I get it, that attitude brought me in some wonderful situations but also made me suffer unnecessarily, the great balance in life is to know when takes no as a no and yes as a don’t.

Im current back to the gym, not to impress anyone but myself, doing in my own time, respecting my body, learning about nutrition and making this a real change of life style, after many years I stop completely to smoke and im not taking bulshit from anyone and learned that is not worth it hold grudges or play revenge because that means losing even more time with something that shouldn’t had my attention in the first place!

Is a difficult equation but with time we start to understand when is time to forgive, when is time to ignore because we never forget and if something did hurt you, im sorry to say but you may have something to do with it. Do something or stay still can be both terrible when is done in the wrong time!

Steve Cavalcanti

ALL THE IMAGES ON THIS BLOG ARE FROM PICTURES I TOOK FROM INTERNET AND CHANGED ON THE COMPUTER TO ILLUSTRATE THIS ENTRY

WHEN THE BEAUTY BECOME THE BEAST

Beauty! This simple word is the meaning of the most desirable possession that someone could have in our days, this word evoke glamour, money and power. Is not a secret that doesn’t matter how rich or intelligent someone is, beauty definitely can smooth your way to your personal ambitions, from the renascence painter to the fashion photographers the message is only one : Beauty sells ideas ,sells art ,sells products and change the way people understand the world around them and the way they see themselves.

Do you know that even much longer before the Photoshop the pictures of the glamorous Hollywood actresses were manually retouched with a sharp razor under the delicate negative to make their skins lucid and flawless, their youth were kept pulling their natural hair as far up they could and then a wig placed so they could sell the elusion of eternal beauty as long as possible.

Madonna change the musical world and the way we appreciate female singers, today is not enough you be a good singer, you need to be gorgeous (or at least sell that idea) you need to be sexy and you need to have different looks. In the 90´s the super models took over the world selling the idea of the perfect woman is rare but exist.

Today the Photoshop made any famous actress play the role of flawless supermodel creating a wrong idea of perfection and making the world population think that Hollywood is this magic place where everybody is gorgeous ageless creating a generation of starving teenagers, eating disorders and deformed middle age women with faces that look like wax work and pulled skins that instead of taking back the years just make you like a cartoon version of yourself.

My country pay a high price in this kind of mentality, different than here in UK, Brazil kind of spread this ideal of the perfect human being even before the Americans, I grew up surround by women in their 40´s looking like they are in their 30´s, where the middle class has access to plastic surgery and there is no natural boobs in between women over 30!

Through the gay community the situation is bigger and global, I was never a super model, but I grew up taking the compliments about how cute I was but always subconscious about my looks, because we are educated to keep the eye in the competition, so be pretty is a social obligation, a wrinkle is a sin and put weight on is social death and doesn’t matter how pretty you are you always gonna think that something is wrong.

That got me thinking, WTF I really thought that when you born at least a bit attractive you don’t need to worry about your appearance, but it seams that more attractive you are the more concern you become about your own beauty, not only about ways to enhance it but in ways to keep as you grow older!

Last July 30 of 2010 I had a accident , I fell from a quite high stair case straight with my face on the concrete, the scene was ugly as I never saw so much of my own blood, they thought I broke my jaw but in the end is everything ok ,I just end up with some stitches inside and outside my mouth and of course swelled and bruised and besides a scar under my lips I will back to my every day face again soon.

The reason I wrote this entry was especially motivated from the people reaction on my face on the streets in the day after my accident when even with the pain I wanted to walk around and do some shopping to make me feel better. What for my surprise that even with the evident signs on my face that I was in a accident some people just reacted to me like I had some contagious disease or born deformity. ( even if was the case it just don’t justify )

Is funny (not really) like the treatment I got change so much accordance to my looks, even when I ask information for one guy in the train station (the same guy I usually ask information ever time I come to London) change completely and was barely rude ( note : even the not gay guys react different from a cute and not cute guy )

As I walk on the street the looks were divide in 3 categories: The people staring at me without blink (pretty uncomfortable) the people that saw me but had the kindness to try not look distress on my presence and the people who first look at me in disgust and then turn their head and change direction to not get close to me, that type I just wanted to beat and give them more bruises than my own.

So, if I was depress with my accident, that was the moment that I felt happy and lucky and in the same moment extremely in chock with our modern society, I had I quickly preview that what would be my life if my face was permanently affected and how sorry I am about those people that need to deal with that in the daily basis.

That made me think how luck I am not only because im normal but I not even needed to deal with problems that some normal people deal like obesity or prejudice because they not have the attractive face or body that our society accept like pretty.

I was never Brad Pitt but being cute was a part of my journey and yes made easier all aspects of my life and now being 34 represents the time when all that starting fading away, and im really glad that even I received the involuntary benefits of my looks I never really rely on it and after this situation I definitely fell comfortable on my own skin doesn’t matter how damage, wrinkle or out of fashion I may end up, I never lived my life under other people expectations and I don’t see a reason my face should to !

Steve Cavalcanti