TAKING THE RISK AND THE CONSEQUENCES OF IT

“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.” Andre Gide

Risk, how often you got the courage to take it? I always lived by the philosophy that you will regret what you didn’t live and that is the way I lived my life, fearless and living the situations from the beginning to the end, good or bad I did, the result is that I probably had lived and experimented more emotions and life experiences than most people in my age, no doubt I had great joys, but also I did experimented

some unpleasant ones.

From my very beginning I learned that if you take the risk you may be rewarded, sometimes I was, sometimes I wasn’t and most of time exactly like a drug I did for the thrill, and when I say risk, is not life risk (don’t get me wrong) was more Rollercoaster where you know you protected with the sit belt, but that doesn’t seams to count when you are upside down screaming like you going to die and leave the Park cover in your own vomit.

But there is a moment in life (the one im

going through right now) that you

start to r

ealize

that sometimes step back it takes even more courage than go for it, especially when you start to understand that is a pattern in there, where the situations may be different but yourbehavior is not.

“Take calculated risks. That is quite different from being rash.” General George S. Patton

Back in 2001 I was in Brazil living with my mom, not worrying about a thing, with nice paid job in a reception of a five stars hotel, life was secure but boring, I wanted to travel the world, improve my English and making a world sex research (lol), one day when I was extremely bored I bought a airplane ticket in one day and travel to London in the next, with no guide of the city and only 3 days paid on a small Hilton in Piccadilly, I wanted a adventure and sure I had it, not exactly the one we picture in our mind when we think about it ! I forgot that with the adventure come rent, bills and horrible stupid servant jobs to keep up with the high life cost of one of the most expensive cities in the world.

But sure it all worth it, otherwise I wouldn’t still be here, but then in the end of 2003 when I had almost everything figure out love brought me back to Brazil, the love of my life (also from Brazil) decide back to our country and even that wasn’t my desire i follow (because I always thought that I would regret being here and let him goes away) I did, but my frustration for not being here anymore fuck it up my relationship over there.

So in the end of 2005 I was back to England, with new hopes, some bruises and no regrets and a brand new relationship, thinking that yes I could done more, but at least I took the risk and unfortunately didn’t pay off, but hey life need to go on and I was trying to show the world I learned something from it, but unfortunately I did the same mistake over again, going to live in Gran Canaria for almost a year and hating ever single minute! Here we gooo, back to London, single and re-starting my life all over again likes a broken record (like they say “First time shame on you, second time shame on me)

Most of my life I kind of negligent myself and kept drifting myself away with other people dreams, thinking that maybe with some love their dreams it will become mine and some of my love carrying it will become their, but it doesn’t work that way, nobody can complete you, we are already born complete and worse than feel uncompleted is feel uncompleted with someone next to you. It took me 16 years to finally enjoy my own company, to difference love from good sex and that love sacrifices can be a beautiful thing but is a two ways street, if you are the only one doing it ,you just have yourself to blame.

Life is not a chick flick, adventure doesn’t come without a cost and love is not a bullet proof bubble, if you turn your back to your own desires and dreams they will back to hunt you and quick your ass. Is easy make mistakes and starting over again when you are young and full of energy to do all over again, but after some point you get stuck in a time machine that keep rewinding and even the movie is great is some point you just want to jump to the next chapter and hope for a happy ending !

One of my favorites quotations (don’t know who wrote it) is : “ Learn from other people mistakes because you won’t live long enough to commit all of mistakes”