One of the reasons I like the show BEING ERICA is because not only kind of fulfil our own desire of back in time and re-done something that turned wrong but also because shows that fate is something true it doesn’t matter how she change the course of the events it will always going to have the same ending!
Is the same when we lie, somehow someday that it will back to you and you going to fell is it coming, the concept of we are all only one, that we are connect is more current as we are connect in some degree with Kevin Bacon.
And then like Erica in the show I decided to make my own list of regrets, oh boy was like a yellow page, and I thought “Is a shame life doesn’t start backward like that movie with Brad Pitt” because I’m not enjoying those wrinkles starting around my eyes, my thinning hair, the Empire of my beauty that once was all flourish now got the same destiny of Rome. Yep is the natural course of nature I know, so instead of looking something that no Botox can’t fix it, what about have something that any muscle tight ass of 20 doesn’t have? A still full functional brain, I mean some of us, as young we have all the right of abuse of our own youth and beauty, but never get addicted of your own physical, because that is like anything else: it will change for one second to another or it will surely change eventually, and if you don’t have anything else to put your soul into what you going to do?
Call me old, but I’m already thinking about it, but the good thing is that I never relied my life in my physical being, I did sure abused to much of it, but I never relied my chances of success on it, so I know is coming and I may be much more prepared that someone that pass their life only worried about how much lean muscle they have around their asses!
Another thing that is very stupid is those people so scared to get older, uglier that they get very happy when they see others aging as well, otherwise nobody would buy Magazines just to check how deformed that 80´s beauty actress is looking now, is our guilty pleasure!
I had my quote of this type of “RACERS” as a friends, as a boyfriends and even doing the same thing myself without realising, is natural the instinct of compete, is in our animal side, but some people just don’t have control of it and life is all about hunting, competing for the prize, our society still more animalistic than we think.
But as we get older things start to get new perspective, so is quite funny when some young fag comes to me in a racer mood, I’m not up for a competition and dammed not because I’m afraid to lose, but because if I win things can get seriously ugly and I’m don’t have time to spare in any queer catfight, especially because this cat here don’t scratch faces or pull some hair, I pull a punch.
We all had in some point in life periods of animal behaviour, Im sure had mine, the only problem with those periods is that the bodies we left behind in our pursuit are not dead, the prize is not a statue, sometimes the trophy is someone’s job, heart and sometimes their lives, and it takes years for you finally understand what you done, so what you do? Nothing can’t be changed and even for some magic you could, you just may making things even worse, I had my time when I was around 22 I did hurt someone without realising, he was always there for me so I took that for granted, I wasn’t in love it was convenient even that I knew his feelings were different than mine. I was in the top of my love game, felling almighty, couldn’t understand what I was doing to him to make him suffer that much, it took years ahead for then someone I was interested did the same to me and I finally stop and ask myself: “I have this felling I saw all this before like a replay, oh gosh! I lived all this already, but I was in the other side of the bill.”
Karma is a mother, or better is a mother in law, from that moment I started to get aware of the signs, life is constantly giving us lessons and sometimes punishing us, or is actually is our own subconscious doing the job, that voice in our head “ Take like a man bitch, u deserve it “
And that’s why most of the time I cause the wrong impression, or people think I’m promiscuous because of my big mouth or because I admit doing thing that people also do but they like to live the lie, I don’t like games, or not anymore, I don’t compete, life is too precious for me to act like I’m in a gay beauty pageant, if you think you shine, the stage is all your, I’m so comfortable in the stage like I am in the audience!
Speak your mind is a hurtful ray way, I paid high price because I talked to much, but strangely even time that I could take advantage of a situation but I choose say the true, brought me a horrible time but from nowhere I got recompensed for my honesty in so point! Don’t get me wrong I’m no angel, is no good mess with me, I’m human after all, and we are mean!
It would be very tempting be able to back in time give a big middle finger for those who hurt me or stop me to hurt someone, but then I would not be the person I am now and god knows what kind of person I would turned to, suffering and loss is the kind of lesson that life teach us in order to understand that we all go through the same things doesn’t matter how handsome or well hung you are, said that, so don’t through me your shit because I got my own thank you very much.
Steve Cavalcanti
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